Silly Muggles
by Loufoca-Granger
Summary: When we live with a muggle born witch, we live with many muggle things. But what's going on, when Draco Malfoy get too close of a laptop ? He makes strange discoveries. ONE SHOT


Hello everyone. I'm a little bit nervous because this is the first time I ever post a story in English, on ff net (and the first time at all actually).** I am French, and French is my first language**. So obviously, I usually write in French but I wanted to try something new so…that's it. Also, there is a lot of stories in the HP english fandom, more than in the french fandom, so I guess that the readers are more severe and I wanted to know what you think of my story.

As I am not fluent (I'm quite fluent when I talk but it appears that it's not really the same when I write) in English I decided it would be easier for me to translate one of my own story from French, to English (and finally, it was not as easier as I expected it xD I'm better for translating from English to French than from French to English I guess…). So if you're able to read in French and want to read the original version, it's on my profile : "Ah les moldus."

I choose a short one shot on purpose, and because I really like it. I hope It will be the same for you.

One more thing… This one shot was corrected by** Amy W. Key **, a wonderful beta. But like me, she is french (but really good in english) so please, **forgive us if there is any mistakes left**. Please, feel free to correct us if you see a mistake, I won't be upset if you do that. Thanks :D

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**Disclaimer** : I do not own the wonderful world of Harry Potter. JK Rowling does.

**Note** : This OS is **humoristic**. I don't have anything against the Drarry shippers, the Romione shippers and every others shippers.

**And thank you again to Amy W. Key**

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**Silly Muggles**

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Hermione Granger opened the door, got out of the car, and closed it with a small gesture of her hand. She waved goodbye to Harry and walked peacefully toward her gate. The gravels crunched under her feet and the lilac was spreading a wonderful fragrance in the garden.

She opened her house's door and took off her shoes directly. Then, she did the same with her beige trench coat. She was about to go to the kitchen, to make herself a tea, when he grabbed on her.

"Hermione ! You… you must come and see that! Now."

.

Hermione frowned slightly: he was calling her Hermione only when there was something serious. When he was angry at her or when he wanted to annoy her, he called her Granger. She couldn't stand that and he knew it. But most of the time, he called her by some sweet nicknames: Mione, Mia, Princess, Sweetheart… He wasn't using her name very often. The last time he did it, it was to announce her that her lovely cat, Crookshanks, was dead. What was he going to announce her this time ?

"What's going on?"

"You… you won't believe it Hermione. I swear it's… it's… you have to see it."

He took her hand and led her upstairs. He led her in their bedroom and Hermione relaxed when she saw her laptop on the bed.

She bought this laptop six months ago. At the beginning, he wouldn't have anything to do with it. As he wouldn't have anything to do with the television, the DVD-player, the microwave… She was always saying that, as he accepted to live with a muggle-born, he has to accepted a half-muggle, half-wizard way of life. He sulked at the beginning, but always got over it. Mister had quickly acquired a huge taste for movies and even insisted to get a larger TV. He couldn't help being a luxury man!

As usual, he had had many things to criticize when she had come back from shopping with her laptop. She had explained him what it was supposed to be for, but he hadn't seemed to understand how useful it was. He hadn't wanted want to know anything about it but as usual, he had failed.

An injury during a Quidditch match had got things moving a little bit quicker. He had been stuck in his bed to help his bones fix faster. Hermione was not here during the whole day and he had got bored. So he had decided to get to know this laptop. And here it was : epiphany. He had discovered Klondike and spent whole days playing with this virtual card solitaire. Then, he tried the internet. At the beginning, he couldn't understand anything but he bought a very useful book about it and had become an internet expert, to Hermione's dismay, who felt put aside. But she was allowed to, wasn't she? Would you like to see your boyfriend paying more attention to your laptop than to yourself ?

.

So, for about four months, he was spending a lot of time on the internet. And three days ago, Mister got the weird idea to write his own name on Google. He was astonished to see that there were several drawings of himself, plus his bio and a summary of all the major things he had done in his life. His ego, already quite big, was more than glad to see that he was considered as a sexy man or even a fantasy.

Then, he wrote Hermione's name and discovered more or less the same things as for him.

Nevertheless, despite his huge pride to see his perfect body exposed to the muggles eyes, he couldn't explain how they knew about his existence and Mione's, Potter's, Weasley's , Snape's, well the wizards' world. Moreover, how could they know about such important things as the war they all went through and such insignificant things as Chocolate Frogs' cards?

Then, Hermione explained to him that the famous author of "1001 lives of Albus Dumbledore" and "Holidays at the Wizards'" decided to write a book about Potter's story, from his birth until his death. Draco was surprised: how could he don't know this book ! Hermione added that it wasn't sell in the wizard world but in the muggle world! For once, Luna Lovegood should have been right: the Wrackspurt should have started to attack her brain. Otherwise, how could she have written a book for muggles !?

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He pulled on her arm to make her sit on the bed. He sat down beside her and brought the computer closer.

"Look what I have discovered this afternoon."

He clicked and typed on "Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy."

Oh ! Right ! If he had found what she thought he had found, she was understanding the Hermione.

"Look, I found this website. And do you know what I discovered on it? Muggles write stories about us ! Can you believe it ? And there is such an amount of stupid things. Ridiculous. Can you believe this ? As if you could have had sex with me on our first date… And those silly muggles always describe you as a victim (he clicked) "Hermione Granger spent a terrible summer : her parents died"; "Hermione Granger was captured, raped and tortured by DeathEaters". Fortunately, I'm always here to save you… but… anyway… this is not too bad, muggles are keeping it things in the right way, even if their stories are sordid or fluffy.

But I went even more on this website (he clicked several times) and look at what I've just seen. There are hundred and hundred of stories about you and WEASLEY! Look! How dare these muggles imagine you could date Weasley! Insane, this is totally insane…and here, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter ! I dare not even imagine the content of these stories. Actually, I can because I read a little bit and… arrrghhh.

"Hey… Calm down Drago, this is nothing!"

"This is nothing, THIS IS NOTHING ? Some stupid muggles imagine that you could be in a relationship with Potter or Weasley and you are saying this it's nothing. I AM the only one you're supposed to be with and muggles shouldn't dare seeing it in a different way. Are you aware that… that… they write some scenes where you are holding Weasley's hand, you are taking him in your arms, you are kissing him. There are even some sections where you are having sex with Weasley! I thought I was going to vom ! I CAN'T tolerate those kind of things. You are only sleeping with me and there is only me with whom the whole world can imagine you sleeping with!

Hermione, who just made a face when she had hear his words, tried to compose herself before Draco start making a big deal out of this. Unfortunately, she didn't get the time to pronounce one single word.

.

"There's worse Hermione… Yeah… worse than Potter and Weasley. Look with who those ridiculous muggles set you up. BLAISE ! Next time I see him, I swear I'll kill him!

"But… He has nothing to deal with it!"

"Don't care. And stop defending him."

"But I…"

"Nevertheless, there's even worse. First, those stupid muggles write some shit about my wife, but they also have to humiliate me! Look at this, LOOK AT THIS!

Hermione stared back at the screen and couldn't help bursting out of laugh. Her eyes went from the screen to Draco and her hilarity increased more and more. She was wondering if Harry knew about that. Probably, he had the internet too. But he should have taken it with humor.

"You think that's funny ?" Draco barked, furious

"A lot… I can even say that it's… teasing to picture you having sex with Harry."

"Wh… what… but I'm not GAY! "

"It isn't what those people think, apparently."

"This is what I am saying, they are mad ! Mad. A gay Malfoy ! Insanity. As if… with Potter… yuck."

"Do you think they write some with Ron too ?" Hermione asked, while she perfectly knew the answer.

"YES!" Draco whined "I am cursed, Muggles want me dead."

Hermione went back to laugh. She acknowledged this website since a long time but she kept herself from telling Draco. She perfectly knew how bad would be his reaction and she wanted to preserve his pride.

"I'm going to go to the Muggle court" Draco started. "They have absolutely no right to write some things like that! It's… it's… nonsense!"

"This is a pretty good argument" Hermione joked. "Well, I'd like to see you going to the court!"

"Do you think I wouldn't dare ?"

"I'm sure you are, love, but what are you going to tell them?"

"To delete this bloody website of course. They have no right to write things like that."

"You are repeating yourself." She remarked.

"I can pursue them for slander, violation of privacy ! Those peoples want to hurt me purposely."

"Mr Malfoy is using great terms. And 'those peoplee' as you say, don't want to hurt you purposely. They don't even know that you exist.

"Of course they do. What about Rowling's book ?" Draco replied. "And there are pictures of me on the internet."

"The book is still a book. Muggles don't know that we do really exist. For them we are only some characters in a novel. And probably, some of the events in the book don't satisfied them. They want to rewrite the story in a way they prefer by shipping you with Harry for instance. Or shipping with Ron. They do that for fun, not to hurt you.

Concerning the pictures, do I have to remember you there are only some drawings. " She continued "Some of them may have been drawn by wizards because they really look like you but it doesn't prove that you really exist."

"Nonsense." Draco mumbled "If they knew the truth…"

"Leave those poor muggles dreaming alone peacefully. We don't care about them knowing the truth. The important thing is that we never forget our own story… How we get closer at the end of Hogwarts. That we ended up in the same dormitory in London."

Hermione stopped for a second, only to check if Draco was paying attention. She stroked gently his face and started again.

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"That you used to invite yourself at my place, sometimes when you got bored. That we started to hang out together. That I took you to muggle movies. That you invited me, one night, at the restaurant. That we are unable to remember what we ate that night, because we were so fascinated by each other. That you took me by the waist on our way back. That you kissed me in front of my door. That we both didn't slept that night because we were too busy thinking about each other. That you told me you missed me when we met back in the morning. That I laughed at you because such a sentence was so unlike you. That you told me I changed you!"

Draco was lost in his memories. Hermione's words made their way inside him, inside his heart, his soul.

"All of this is our story Draco. Our first "I love you". The first time we made love. All the other times which followed. Our arguments. Our laughs. When we visited your parents. When we visited mines. When we moved in, in our own house. All of this is our life, our own story and no one can change it… Whatever muggles write about you, about me, about us. The important thing is WE do know the truth.

"I love you my Mia." Draco whispered.

Hermione smiled. He didn't use her full name. She went closer to him and waited until he hugged her. Then, she reached over and closed discreetly the computer's screen. She didn't want him to discover some stories that he miraculously hadn't seen. There's no way she let him know about some love stories muggles could imagine between her and Riddle, her and Snape, her and Sirius… If he had found it… Hermione could swear that those poor muggle writers' lives would have become drastically shorter.

Yes, she really had to find a good way to dissuade him from coming back on this website. But not right now… No, right now she was enjoying the warmth of Draco's hand stroking her skin. She sighed and let him pull her under the sheets to, who knows, write a new page of their story…

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That's it :) One more time I want to repeat that I have nothing against the others HP pairing. But you all know how Draco can be sometimes.

Anyway, I hope you liked it. I you did and also I you didn't, feel free to leave me a review to tell me everything. It's important for me, to know what you think.

Thank you !

Here


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